Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
