Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
