I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
