he puts the penis in happiness.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
