I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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