Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Come see our sink grown plant.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm having to shit out rocks
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
