jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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