I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
