I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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