please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
