it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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