i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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