he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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