Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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