47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
