So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
