i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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