i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
It's just like the Real World with babies
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
