So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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