so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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