the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
