3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
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