That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
