Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
