how hairy? two words: wookie tits
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
