Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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