Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
