Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
