You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
