That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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