...so i touched it.
i think my mom watched the whole time
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize