After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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