As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
