I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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