I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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