I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
