well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
