are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
