pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
