how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
