they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
