Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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