I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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