We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
