She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
