Three words: puerto rican gang bang
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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