If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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