Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
