I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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