the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize