his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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