Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
