Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
