he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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