alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
