last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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