YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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