I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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