Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
please come you make the beer taste better
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
