everyone is single if you try hard enough
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
