I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
