Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
