I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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