I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
