He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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