Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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