She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
