I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
