It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
