I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
