I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
