I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
