I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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