my mouth tastes like poor choices
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
