At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize