he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
