wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
