nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize