Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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