I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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