I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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