we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We left the knife in your bed.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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