Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
