She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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