Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
