There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
