Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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