I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
