just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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