I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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