You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
