i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
this hospital has no fireball
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
