u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
