At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
