that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
