I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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